Apes with Uzis (plus the yeti crab!)

Free Comic Book Day is just around the corner, and the 215 Ink/FUBAR Press books are well on their way to being a part of it in stores across the country.  I'm in the process of lettering one of the 215 entries, an Apes with Uzis tale: the first part of a story titled "the Package".  The first few panels are above, written by Mark Bertolini and illustrated by Peebo Mondia.

As for the story...well...you'll just have to wait until the first Saturday in May to pick up the book.  Let this be said, though: it involves monkeys dressed up in clothes and riding motorcycles.  And I'm pretty sure that's a Tick shirt our protagonist is wearing on the first page.  So what's not to like?

Also, Henry at the very enjoyable "I Love the Yeti" blog posted this image yesterday, reminding us all that on March 22nd, 2005, the famed yeti crab was discovered.  The world is a better place for it.  Check out the blog at http://ilovetheyeti.blogspot.com/!

great fake ads from Image's "1963"

I recently picked up Image's full (but sadly never quite completed) run of the Alan Moore-written 1963 series, which re-imagines the creation of the Silver Age Marvel Comics.  The first issue features a Fantastic Four-style story, which should be obvious from the above image.  The series is much more straight forward than I had imagined it would be, other than some well-placed barbs regarding the rights of individual creators and, particularly, Stan Lee.  Moore and his stable of artists create such a complete package, down to fully formed letters pages, editorials and even (mostly) fake ads that mimic some of the best comic advertisements of the time - ones that are immediately recognizable despite their altered status, which I suppose is the mark of a great parody.

Nearly all of the ads are spot on in their renditions, but two stood out to me as the best of the bunch, and I wanted to share them below:

First off is a back cover ad for "soil monkeys", which is an obvious take on the well-loved Sea Monkeys ads.  Soil Monkeys, upon further inspection, are merely beans, which is funny on two levels, the less obvious being a commentary on the fact that Sea Monkey ads don't really represent an accurate depiction of what you actually get - a mini aquarium of tiny brine shrimp.  Soil Monkeys make music, because, well...you get it.

This next ad, from an interior page, might just beat out the previous one due to the sheer number of great parodies it contains.  My favorite is at top, where we learn that readers can not only order real, live animals from a comic book, but also eat them.  This is a parody of an old ad that I have railed about regarding animals and the ability to buy them through shady circumstances from the pages of a comic book. 

1963 is a faithful recreation of early Marvel super hero comics, with all the good and bad that comes with it.  Despite the fact that Moore is by far the best comic writer of all time, this title isn't for everyone.  The ads, though...those are golden.

The most annoying comic book ad ever conceived

The above image is, without a doubt, the most annoying comic book advertisement every printed.  This isn't something I say on the spur of the moment.  It really is true and the pronouncement comes after seeing hundreds of bad comic book ads.  I've seen the Starburst "a square peg for your round hole" (really?!) ads.  I've seen the Honda Civic ads placed at the very front of books.  I've seen the Strydex ads ("That's not Mt. Fuji, that's a humongous zit!").  I've seen the "Tobacco is Whacko (if you're a teen)" ads (but if I'm 20, it's okay?).  I've seen MDMacro's vague, obscure "Beats for Reading Comic Books To" ad.  I've seen horribly irresponsible ads selling monkeys and other animals in comics books.  But none measure up to the above advertisement for the Gap.

Just look at this kid.  What's he doing with his hands?  What's he doing with his face?  What's he doing in a neon orange sweater?  WHY IS HE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?!  Everything about it is preposterous.

In addition to just how exasperatingly terrible this ad is, it appears that I can't escape being subjected to it.  It seemed like this ad ran for five years in a row around the late 1990s, and every third back issue I buy has this kid plastered on the back of it.  I pulled out Superman: Man of Tomorrow #11 to scan the letters page for yesterday's post, and what do I find staring back at me?  This damn ad, all over again.

I hate it.  It's the most annoying comic book ad I've ever seen.

You should not be able to order monkeys from a comic book!

...or seahorses, for that matter.  Actually, if you combine the two names, you come up with seamonkeys, and they are perhaps the only animals that are okay to order from a comic book.  But monkeys?  As in, actual monkeys like the squirrel monkey seen in this ad from the 1960s?  The one in the...adorable sweater...who is so tiny he fits in your hand...okay, it's not that I don't see the appeal, it's just...whose idea was this?

A few days ago I managed to snag a few issues of the Fantastic Four - #s 56 and 61! - from Wilmington's Fanboy Comics at a great price.  One of these issues has the ad you see above in it, which really makes me wonder what people were thinking 45 years ago.  I mean, here we are, taking great strides as a species, from the fight for racial equality to a moon landing, and someone's great idea is "hey!  Let's sell monkeys to 11-year-old kids!  We can puts ads in the back of comic books!"

At this point, someone undoubtedly said "But where will we get the monkeys?", to which the original person must have replied, "I don't know, just take them from the jungle, I guess."

I do honestly wonder how many poor squirrel monkeys were sold and then died because this ad said to feed them basically anything (they even like lollipops!), or how many monkeys just showed up dead in the mail.  It's sad to think that people were stupid enough to consider this to be even a remotely good idea - and even though we as a race do some really dumb things today (where do I even begin??), it's nice to think that you can't just order a monkey in the mail anymore.