A holiday tradition! My students continue to draw the Hulk poorly.

At this point, we should know how this game works.  As an aside on the final I give in the composition classes I teach, I hint at the possibility of bonus points for renditions of the Hulk in/on the green books used for a final essay.  I never actually give out bonus points for this, but it's fun to see just who takes the bait and draws up a Hulk.

Not too many to choose from this time around, but then again, if you've seen one terribly drawn Hulk, I guess you've seen them all.  Please keep in mind that these are college students who are drawing these; I can't say that I would do a good job at drawing, well, anything, if given the chance, but some of these are just awful beyond any hope of redemption.  Case in point: the image at top is perhaps the best one I received.

THIS image, however, is probably the worse...EVER.

Yep.

I actually like this one, although it may pass better for a Sea Monkey or some similar quasi-aquatic animal.  I do enjoy the Hulk speech employed here.

What?  This isn't the Hulk.  It's a picture of me, wearing a shirt with my own name on it and a Pirate hat.  Come on.

This is how you draw the Hulk if you can't draw.  I can appreciate this one and it's probably no better or worse than my own art would be.

This artist started to draw something, but had to erase it and start over...and still, this is the best he/she could do.  The Hulk pants are nice, though.

See you next semester!

great fake ads from Image's "1963"

I recently picked up Image's full (but sadly never quite completed) run of the Alan Moore-written 1963 series, which re-imagines the creation of the Silver Age Marvel Comics.  The first issue features a Fantastic Four-style story, which should be obvious from the above image.  The series is much more straight forward than I had imagined it would be, other than some well-placed barbs regarding the rights of individual creators and, particularly, Stan Lee.  Moore and his stable of artists create such a complete package, down to fully formed letters pages, editorials and even (mostly) fake ads that mimic some of the best comic advertisements of the time - ones that are immediately recognizable despite their altered status, which I suppose is the mark of a great parody.

Nearly all of the ads are spot on in their renditions, but two stood out to me as the best of the bunch, and I wanted to share them below:

First off is a back cover ad for "soil monkeys", which is an obvious take on the well-loved Sea Monkeys ads.  Soil Monkeys, upon further inspection, are merely beans, which is funny on two levels, the less obvious being a commentary on the fact that Sea Monkey ads don't really represent an accurate depiction of what you actually get - a mini aquarium of tiny brine shrimp.  Soil Monkeys make music, because, well...you get it.

This next ad, from an interior page, might just beat out the previous one due to the sheer number of great parodies it contains.  My favorite is at top, where we learn that readers can not only order real, live animals from a comic book, but also eat them.  This is a parody of an old ad that I have railed about regarding animals and the ability to buy them through shady circumstances from the pages of a comic book. 

1963 is a faithful recreation of early Marvel super hero comics, with all the good and bad that comes with it.  Despite the fact that Moore is by far the best comic writer of all time, this title isn't for everyone.  The ads, though...those are golden.

Sea Monkeys look nothing like comic books would let on.

It's a shame that Sea Monkeys aren't advertised in the back of comic books anymore - this really is a former comic book advertising staple that disappeared from modern comics, what, 25 years ago?  Regardless, anyone who digs through the back issue bin at a local shop is sure to find an ad for these seemingly magical creatures that appear from dust to form 1950s-style nuclear families with water and a bit of luck.  Despite my staunch opposition to the mistreatment of animals and the understanding that Sea Monkeys are both living things and probably easy to kill, there's still something exciting and fanciful about sending two bucks in the mail and creating an entire underwater society on a whim.

In stark contrast to the artistic renderings on ads such as the two above (Sea Monkeys are just like people! They live in happy family units, wear bows in their hair and fly kites!!), the first time I made my own Sea Monkey pod, I was shocked at the actual appearance of these mystical sea swimmers.  It turns out that Sea Monkeys are a hybrid version of brine shrimp (you know...what blue whales eat!  Oh wait, that's plankton) and they look something like this:

Creepy, right?  I mean, this guy's doing some kind of hideous backstroke, not barbecuing, building a castle or tossing around a football with junior, as was implied in all of the comic book ads.  Why, I'd go as far as to say that real Sea Monkeys don't act nearly American enough for the average comic book reader.  Where's your patriotic spirit, creature so small that the standard tank comes with magnifying lenses built in?  Why aren't you wearing a funny crown, trying on pants or buying nail polish for your wife?  Why aren't you out doing manly things in the open air (water?), positioning yourself so that a well-placed fin covers your exposed human-like genitals?  WHY DON'T YOU ACT MORE LIKE ME?!

I recently bought another batch of Sea Monkeys (16 or 17 years after my mom "accidentally" knocked our first family into the sink), and I'm happy to report that everyone is doing well (I think.  They're swimming a lot, which I take to mean they're doing well).  I even bought a number of things from the official Sea Monkey catalogue to make sure I'm prepared, like vitamin-rich "Red Magic" food, banana-flavored (flavored?) treats and a tiny manual air pump.  I'm gonna make sure that, overinflated comic book expectations or not, I'll take care of these guys as best I can.

Wait, banana treats?  I love banana treats.  Hey, Sea Monkeys: maybe we're not so different after all, you and I.

(For now the "tank" sits in front of my Fantastic Four bookends box...and some Shrinky Dinks).